I'm not a religious person. I grew up Southern Baptist of sorts. If that won't scare the religion out of a child, nothing will. I recall going to a weekend tent revival in Tennessee. Those revivals fell about 2 inches shy of snakes.
About 2 weeks ago, after a kinda crappy day and about 2 glasses of wine, I just started crying. I couldn't stop crying. I walked around the house picking up, doing laundry, crying.......talking to......the air or anyone/thing that might have been listening.
I cried that I didn't want to live in this city anymore. How much I hate this area. It's cloudy and dirty and depressing. I cried that I didn't have a decent job. I cried that I was going to college studying something that I had no desire to study. I cried that I wanted things "changed". That I have the most wonderful husband and child. That I love my family, but I needed things to "change". I cried that I fucked up my gastric bypass surgery. That I felt like shit all the time. That I've gained back so much weight. I cried about how much I miss my father (died when I was 12). I cried about missing my soul mate. I talked to them as I cried as I do believe they hear me. Or hope that they do. I begged for change. I begged that if anyone was listening and if they could help this change, please do so before I lose my mind.
The day after this little mental breakdown I started hyper-nutrienting again. What this means is taking gobs of vitamins and supplements, especially amino acids and enzymes that a few of us who have bothered to do research on post-op gastric bypass have come to ascertain that post-ops are severely missing these in malabsorption. When you have little to no aminos you basically turn your body into mush. And that is how I have been feeling. My brain has been mush. My body has felt like absolute shit.
I did this hyper-nutrienting about a year ago for a few weeks and felt amazing. Why I stopped, I have no clue. Probably because I couldn't afford them after my supply ran out? Probably because I am just a lazy ass. Have been all my life.
Anyhow, I noticed a change in 2 days.
In the past 2 weeks, I have taken the dogs for walks 4 times. Have tons of energy. My mood is better. I have a new job!! Paying GOOD money! Today is my last day at my job within the 7th circle of hell. I've lost 5 lbs. And I have new "fun shoes". hahahha
My brain is feeling at peace. And that's all I've wanted in the past 4 years of this descent.
So, to whomever was listening and pushed me to start hyper-nutrienting again....Thank you.