Forget the daily checking for reoccurring whiskers that have no defined arrival time. Meaning one day they are not there, that same evening they are 2 inches long....wtf is up with that?
I just got this new job at big corporate. I needed new work shoes.
The Cube Monkey just paid $90...yes Ninety U.S. Dollars for a pair of comfortable sandals made of cork, leather and rubber. I almost crapped myself. Granted, I was treated like a queen by an elderly gentleman who actually measured my flintstone feet and chose about 6 pairs of shoes for me to try on that he thought I would like after telling him "need comfy shoes for work". He was good. He put the shoes on me, even fastened them for me. But 90 DOLLARS!!?? Doesn't that classify as rape or something? The husband feels that for $90 they should provide me with an orgasm every 10 steps. I agree and wouldn't that be sumpthin? hahaha
Friday, June 29, 2007
Stoopid Corporate Trick of the Week!
The honor goes to the Cleveland Clinic for this gem...
Ok, I am a smoker. I totally agree that smoking is a nasty habit. It is the most useless addiction on the face of the earth. And I love it.
Here in Ohio, as in most states, smoking has been banned from most public places. Some places have designated smoke areas, but, for instance the hospitals, you cannot smoke ANYWHERE on the grounds. This is fine by me. It's a health thing, but whatever. Let me go on the record and say I don't agree with banning smoking in private clubs. I just think that's wrong. I mean, how's a gal supposed to enjoy an occasional evening at small town VFW drankin and playing tickets with the family without a smoke? Besides, if majority ruled with a vote by the members, why should the public care?
So back to this Cleveland Clinic thing.
This is not just a matter of you can't smoke at work. You can't smoke ANYWHERE. They are going to drug test for nicotine! They have also removed sugar laden soft drinks and transfats from their cafeteria - BUT you can still get a bacon and cheese crossiant there. And I'm willing to bet dollars for donuts (hee hee) that you will still find tons of vending machines throughout the campus.
So in a setting, where there is a shortage of staff anyhow, they are going to make it even "harder" to find quality nurses and such. In some of the most stressful jobs.
Most people are against this ruling. I would agree. In fact I'm against most of these drug testing things. I don't feel that it's anyone's business what you consume in the privacy of your home as long as it doesn't affect your job and your not consuming human flesh.
There are very few in favor of this. There was a woman that called into the radio the other day. Tried to support this ruling by talking about doctors with ashtray breath. How she remembers going to a few doctors with the most horrid ashtray breath.
I wish I had been one of the radio personalities that morning. I would have asked the woman,
How many kids do you think have puked on that doctor?
How many people do you think he has had to tell, you are dying?
How many stinky, yeast laden vagina's has he looked at?
How many crusty diabetes sores?
If he wants to go home and chain smoke a pack of cigarettes while downing a few shots of Jack, I don't care, as long as he is up to par to handle my health issues the next day.
Cleveland Clinic Bans Hiring Of Smokers
Ok, I am a smoker. I totally agree that smoking is a nasty habit. It is the most useless addiction on the face of the earth. And I love it.
Here in Ohio, as in most states, smoking has been banned from most public places. Some places have designated smoke areas, but, for instance the hospitals, you cannot smoke ANYWHERE on the grounds. This is fine by me. It's a health thing, but whatever. Let me go on the record and say I don't agree with banning smoking in private clubs. I just think that's wrong. I mean, how's a gal supposed to enjoy an occasional evening at small town VFW drankin and playing tickets with the family without a smoke? Besides, if majority ruled with a vote by the members, why should the public care?
So back to this Cleveland Clinic thing.
This is not just a matter of you can't smoke at work. You can't smoke ANYWHERE. They are going to drug test for nicotine! They have also removed sugar laden soft drinks and transfats from their cafeteria - BUT you can still get a bacon and cheese crossiant there. And I'm willing to bet dollars for donuts (hee hee) that you will still find tons of vending machines throughout the campus.
So in a setting, where there is a shortage of staff anyhow, they are going to make it even "harder" to find quality nurses and such. In some of the most stressful jobs.
Most people are against this ruling. I would agree. In fact I'm against most of these drug testing things. I don't feel that it's anyone's business what you consume in the privacy of your home as long as it doesn't affect your job and your not consuming human flesh.
There are very few in favor of this. There was a woman that called into the radio the other day. Tried to support this ruling by talking about doctors with ashtray breath. How she remembers going to a few doctors with the most horrid ashtray breath.
I wish I had been one of the radio personalities that morning. I would have asked the woman,
How many kids do you think have puked on that doctor?
How many people do you think he has had to tell, you are dying?
How many stinky, yeast laden vagina's has he looked at?
How many crusty diabetes sores?
If he wants to go home and chain smoke a pack of cigarettes while downing a few shots of Jack, I don't care, as long as he is up to par to handle my health issues the next day.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Jessie Marie Davis
The Cube Monkey has been following this story pretty closely. I sat restlessly in my monkey cage at big corporate zoo on Thursday and Friday feeling helpless because I felt that I should have been down aiding in the search. I don't know why. I just wanted to "help".
So Friday night I had decided that if they were still going to be searching on Saturday I would go down to help. Alas an intestinal bug that had found it's way into Mr. Cube Monkey left me at home.
We have four dogs....yes...four. Two of them I took to the dog park Saturday afternoon. Whilst walking out the door, the furry ball of neurosis (more on him later) looked at me pathetically. "I will take you on your own walk on the wooded trail later" I told him.
So when I got back Crazy Boy was hooked up and we were off. We live within a hop, skip and a fart of a nice wooded trail that sits on the edge of a part of the Metro Parks. When we walk this trail I always look down the ravines. Why? Partially boredom, partially because I know it' s a good place to dump a body.
On our way back I noticed helicopters circling overhead again and again. They didn't stop.
I told Mr. Cube Monkey that the searchers must have changed their area. They had been searching about 45 minutes south of here. Within a 17 mile area of where Jessie was last seen.
The suspect was a cop, her boyfriend. Now I'm no genius, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to think that he would be smart enough NOT to dump the body close to home.
We turned on the TV. Her body was discovered about 20 minutes north of our house. In a part of the Metro Parks.
I told the hubby how Crazy Boy and I were looking down ravines and stuff "just because". He agreed and said he does that too when he takes the pups for walks down the trail.
Then my mouth opened wide when he said "I know that's the kind of place I would dump your body if I did you in". A nervous laugh escaped my throat. "Exsqueeze me?".
In the end, I informed him that TRUST ME, if you wanted me gone so badly that you wanted me dead, just tell me and I will be out the door "right quick and in a hurry".
Of course I would leave him the house, the 4 furry bottomless stomachs and the 13 year old attitude. =) Cuz I'm giving that way.
So Friday night I had decided that if they were still going to be searching on Saturday I would go down to help. Alas an intestinal bug that had found it's way into Mr. Cube Monkey left me at home.
We have four dogs....yes...four. Two of them I took to the dog park Saturday afternoon. Whilst walking out the door, the furry ball of neurosis (more on him later) looked at me pathetically. "I will take you on your own walk on the wooded trail later" I told him.
So when I got back Crazy Boy was hooked up and we were off. We live within a hop, skip and a fart of a nice wooded trail that sits on the edge of a part of the Metro Parks. When we walk this trail I always look down the ravines. Why? Partially boredom, partially because I know it' s a good place to dump a body.
On our way back I noticed helicopters circling overhead again and again. They didn't stop.
I told Mr. Cube Monkey that the searchers must have changed their area. They had been searching about 45 minutes south of here. Within a 17 mile area of where Jessie was last seen.
The suspect was a cop, her boyfriend. Now I'm no genius, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to think that he would be smart enough NOT to dump the body close to home.
We turned on the TV. Her body was discovered about 20 minutes north of our house. In a part of the Metro Parks.
I told the hubby how Crazy Boy and I were looking down ravines and stuff "just because". He agreed and said he does that too when he takes the pups for walks down the trail.
Then my mouth opened wide when he said "I know that's the kind of place I would dump your body if I did you in". A nervous laugh escaped my throat. "Exsqueeze me?".
In the end, I informed him that TRUST ME, if you wanted me gone so badly that you wanted me dead, just tell me and I will be out the door "right quick and in a hurry".
Of course I would leave him the house, the 4 furry bottomless stomachs and the 13 year old attitude. =) Cuz I'm giving that way.
Friday, June 22, 2007
More on Paul Potts
I was so amazed at this Cinderella story that I was out again on You Tube watching and Googling my fat little fingers off.
Apparently Mr. Potts is...um...WAS a car phone warehouse manager. He lives in Port Talbot, Wales with his wife. And they are...um...WERE about $30k in debt.
In an interview he said that he was bullied as a child. Said he always felt different. His voice has always been his best friend. He said when he sings, it is the only time he feels "normal". When things are bad in life, he sings and it comforts him. I was in tears. I wasn't bullied much as a child, but my upbringing wasn't the most picture perfect on earth. The term "Mommy Dearest" fits quite well. I used to hole up in my room and sing sing sing. It was my comfort. I'm 44 and I've always felt different. I've never fit in. I am like Paul Potts in that when I'm on stage, I fit in. I'm normal. I'm "somebody".
Ok enough of my boohoo story.
Mr. Potts won $250,000 on Britain's Got Talent and has taken on a 1 million dollar recording contract. And he gets to perform for her majesty, the queen!
As stated in yesterday's post...
GO MAN! GO!!!
Apparently Mr. Potts is...um...WAS a car phone warehouse manager. He lives in Port Talbot, Wales with his wife. And they are...um...WERE about $30k in debt.
In an interview he said that he was bullied as a child. Said he always felt different. His voice has always been his best friend. He said when he sings, it is the only time he feels "normal". When things are bad in life, he sings and it comforts him. I was in tears. I wasn't bullied much as a child, but my upbringing wasn't the most picture perfect on earth. The term "Mommy Dearest" fits quite well. I used to hole up in my room and sing sing sing. It was my comfort. I'm 44 and I've always felt different. I've never fit in. I am like Paul Potts in that when I'm on stage, I fit in. I'm normal. I'm "somebody".
Ok enough of my boohoo story.
Mr. Potts won $250,000 on Britain's Got Talent and has taken on a 1 million dollar recording contract. And he gets to perform for her majesty, the queen!
As stated in yesterday's post...
GO MAN! GO!!!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
He works in a shoe store????
All I can say is "OMG" move over Pavrotti!..... SHIVERS
What does this dude have to do with this blog?
He's not LeBron James, he's not Justin Timberlake, he's not...well he's not someone who was instantly successful at a young age.
He's an ordinary, shy, low confidence, not so good looking (hell, I thought he looked kinda....uh...slow?) human who works in a shoe store or some crap mundane job like the Cube Monkey has and hidden away is a talent that only he and a select few others knew about. A talent that he knows is his true passion and calling. He mentioned in an interview that when he sings, it is the only place on earth where he feels 100% comfortable in his own skin. It's where he knows he belongs. It is his dream. It has always been his dream, but for whatever reason, it was never pursued. Low confidence, bad choices or whatever the reason.
It gives me chills to know that this man will never ever have to go back to crap work again, unless he so chooses.
Not many people get that opportunity.
GO MAN! GO!
What does this dude have to do with this blog?
He's not LeBron James, he's not Justin Timberlake, he's not...well he's not someone who was instantly successful at a young age.
He's an ordinary, shy, low confidence, not so good looking (hell, I thought he looked kinda....uh...slow?) human who works in a shoe store or some crap mundane job like the Cube Monkey has and hidden away is a talent that only he and a select few others knew about. A talent that he knows is his true passion and calling. He mentioned in an interview that when he sings, it is the only place on earth where he feels 100% comfortable in his own skin. It's where he knows he belongs. It is his dream. It has always been his dream, but for whatever reason, it was never pursued. Low confidence, bad choices or whatever the reason.
It gives me chills to know that this man will never ever have to go back to crap work again, unless he so chooses.
Not many people get that opportunity.
GO MAN! GO!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Missing You
I never knew how much I missed it!
Having to park in the North 40 and walk 50 miles to my desk.
Wearing knee-hi's and business shoes (gawd I want my tennies).
The id badge picture that makes you look like the crack whore that has
just sold her kids for drugs that you see on the front page of the news.
Orientation....Nothing says welcome to our company like 4 hours of
overly happy barbie dolls spewing bullshit.
Back to back meetings that start today....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Having to park in the North 40 and walk 50 miles to my desk.
Wearing knee-hi's and business shoes (gawd I want my tennies).
The id badge picture that makes you look like the crack whore that has
just sold her kids for drugs that you see on the front page of the news.
Orientation....Nothing says welcome to our company like 4 hours of
overly happy barbie dolls spewing bullshit.
Back to back meetings that start today....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
It is time...
I hate hate hate (did I mention hate) hate Corporate America. After a 2 year "breather", I start back as a "number" for "the man" day after memorial day.
I thought I wanted to work at the university. Alas, the worst run corporation on the earth would appear to be a well oiled machine compared to the university i.t. dept in this city. One would think that a place that actually teaches methodologies, organization, communication etc... would be the first place to put these ideas to use. They appear to disregard them all together. There are more useless, ridiculous politics played at the university than in Washington itself.
Politics in corporate america are common place. People play for money and power. It's stupid, but it makes sense. There is no money to be had in a public institution and the power is just gathering bodies. I don't get it.
There is one thing that I hate more than Corporate American and that would be shopping for clothes. Yes...I am a woman and I hate to shop. Alert the media.
And since I haven't worn business clothes in about 3 years, I have to shop. My lower half is about 75% bigger than my upper half which makes shopping just a breeze....NOT.
I've been a plus since since as long as I can remember, so I get to shop at places like Lane Bryant and Avenue. I don't have any issues shopping in these places. The issues that I do have with these places are their use of regular size models to attempt to make their moomoos look appealing. How they attempt to put plus size women in low riders....hello. How they charge twice as much than regular sized womens clothing stores, although I guess Abdul the tent maker "does" need compensated.
So I will shop for bidness clothes. I will dig out my briefcase thingie. My leather notepad folder thingie for meetings and on Tuesday I will head off to my new cubicle in corporate america.
I can bitch, but the bitching will be much less when we trade the hamburgers for Delmonico steaks on the grill this summer. =)
I thought I wanted to work at the university. Alas, the worst run corporation on the earth would appear to be a well oiled machine compared to the university i.t. dept in this city. One would think that a place that actually teaches methodologies, organization, communication etc... would be the first place to put these ideas to use. They appear to disregard them all together. There are more useless, ridiculous politics played at the university than in Washington itself.
Politics in corporate america are common place. People play for money and power. It's stupid, but it makes sense. There is no money to be had in a public institution and the power is just gathering bodies. I don't get it.
There is one thing that I hate more than Corporate American and that would be shopping for clothes. Yes...I am a woman and I hate to shop. Alert the media.
And since I haven't worn business clothes in about 3 years, I have to shop. My lower half is about 75% bigger than my upper half which makes shopping just a breeze....NOT.
I've been a plus since since as long as I can remember, so I get to shop at places like Lane Bryant and Avenue. I don't have any issues shopping in these places. The issues that I do have with these places are their use of regular size models to attempt to make their moomoos look appealing. How they attempt to put plus size women in low riders....hello. How they charge twice as much than regular sized womens clothing stores, although I guess Abdul the tent maker "does" need compensated.
So I will shop for bidness clothes. I will dig out my briefcase thingie. My leather notepad folder thingie for meetings and on Tuesday I will head off to my new cubicle in corporate america.
I can bitch, but the bitching will be much less when we trade the hamburgers for Delmonico steaks on the grill this summer. =)
Friday, May 11, 2007
Angels in the Outfield?
I'm not a religious person. I grew up Southern Baptist of sorts. If that won't scare the religion out of a child, nothing will. I recall going to a weekend tent revival in Tennessee. Those revivals fell about 2 inches shy of snakes.
About 2 weeks ago, after a kinda crappy day and about 2 glasses of wine, I just started crying. I couldn't stop crying. I walked around the house picking up, doing laundry, crying.......talking to......the air or anyone/thing that might have been listening.
I cried that I didn't want to live in this city anymore. How much I hate this area. It's cloudy and dirty and depressing. I cried that I didn't have a decent job. I cried that I was going to college studying something that I had no desire to study. I cried that I wanted things "changed". That I have the most wonderful husband and child. That I love my family, but I needed things to "change". I cried that I fucked up my gastric bypass surgery. That I felt like shit all the time. That I've gained back so much weight. I cried about how much I miss my father (died when I was 12). I cried about missing my soul mate. I talked to them as I cried as I do believe they hear me. Or hope that they do. I begged for change. I begged that if anyone was listening and if they could help this change, please do so before I lose my mind.
Fast forward....
The day after this little mental breakdown I started hyper-nutrienting again. What this means is taking gobs of vitamins and supplements, especially amino acids and enzymes that a few of us who have bothered to do research on post-op gastric bypass have come to ascertain that post-ops are severely missing these in malabsorption. When you have little to no aminos you basically turn your body into mush. And that is how I have been feeling. My brain has been mush. My body has felt like absolute shit.
I did this hyper-nutrienting about a year ago for a few weeks and felt amazing. Why I stopped, I have no clue. Probably because I couldn't afford them after my supply ran out? Probably because I am just a lazy ass. Have been all my life.
Anyhow, I noticed a change in 2 days.
In the past 2 weeks, I have taken the dogs for walks 4 times. Have tons of energy. My mood is better. I have a new job!! Paying GOOD money! Today is my last day at my job within the 7th circle of hell. I've lost 5 lbs. And I have new "fun shoes". hahahha
My brain is feeling at peace. And that's all I've wanted in the past 4 years of this descent.
So, to whomever was listening and pushed me to start hyper-nutrienting again....Thank you.
About 2 weeks ago, after a kinda crappy day and about 2 glasses of wine, I just started crying. I couldn't stop crying. I walked around the house picking up, doing laundry, crying.......talking to......the air or anyone/thing that might have been listening.
I cried that I didn't want to live in this city anymore. How much I hate this area. It's cloudy and dirty and depressing. I cried that I didn't have a decent job. I cried that I was going to college studying something that I had no desire to study. I cried that I wanted things "changed". That I have the most wonderful husband and child. That I love my family, but I needed things to "change". I cried that I fucked up my gastric bypass surgery. That I felt like shit all the time. That I've gained back so much weight. I cried about how much I miss my father (died when I was 12). I cried about missing my soul mate. I talked to them as I cried as I do believe they hear me. Or hope that they do. I begged for change. I begged that if anyone was listening and if they could help this change, please do so before I lose my mind.
Fast forward....
The day after this little mental breakdown I started hyper-nutrienting again. What this means is taking gobs of vitamins and supplements, especially amino acids and enzymes that a few of us who have bothered to do research on post-op gastric bypass have come to ascertain that post-ops are severely missing these in malabsorption. When you have little to no aminos you basically turn your body into mush. And that is how I have been feeling. My brain has been mush. My body has felt like absolute shit.
I did this hyper-nutrienting about a year ago for a few weeks and felt amazing. Why I stopped, I have no clue. Probably because I couldn't afford them after my supply ran out? Probably because I am just a lazy ass. Have been all my life.
Anyhow, I noticed a change in 2 days.
In the past 2 weeks, I have taken the dogs for walks 4 times. Have tons of energy. My mood is better. I have a new job!! Paying GOOD money! Today is my last day at my job within the 7th circle of hell. I've lost 5 lbs. And I have new "fun shoes". hahahha
My brain is feeling at peace. And that's all I've wanted in the past 4 years of this descent.
So, to whomever was listening and pushed me to start hyper-nutrienting again....Thank you.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Money can't buy happiness
But damnit it sure can help!
I finally have a real job (unofficially) after 2 years of being beyond broke!
June 1st begins operation "Get the Fuck Outta Here".
Meaning, we have lived in this city for about 15 years and have hated basically every minute.
I finally have a real job (unofficially) after 2 years of being beyond broke!
June 1st begins operation "Get the Fuck Outta Here".
Meaning, we have lived in this city for about 15 years and have hated basically every minute.
Stranger Danger
Conversation with a very nice looking older woman at my college.
I don't know her from Adam.
I don't know her from Adam.
Her: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure
Her: Ok, there's this guy that I was in jail with. We wrote back and
forth to each other and became very good friends. Now we are out and
live in the same housing apartments and he follows me everywhere and
looks in my windows and sends me txt messages saying "run or hide".
Does this sound right to you?
Me: {bottom lip on the floor}......uhhh sounds a little creepy to me.
Her: Really?
Me: ummm yeah
Her: Yeah, it didn't seem right to me.
Few minutes of silence
Her: So they gave me this medicine that they said I needed for my
brain. It made me dizzy and forgetful of things so I stopped taking
it. That's ok isn't it? Nothings going to happen?
Me: I would imagine nothing will happen.
Few minutes of silence and my curiosity got the best of me, I had to ask.
Me: So what are you studying?
Her: Surgical Assisting
Me: {bottom lip now pasted to the floor}
Her: I'm already a medical assistant.
If I have to have surgery the rest of my time here in this god forsaken
city, remind me to scan the room for her, because if she is in there,
give me enough Versed so that I could care less if I die, or let me run
screaming from the room.
Aren't there laws against this kinda shit?
Friday, April 13, 2007
God I miss being bored...
Never thought I would say that.
A few years ago I kept thinking about how boring my life was. Going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home.
These days I am working 30 hours a week at the local university in a department that is a total cluster fuck. They want to suck as much of my experience out of me that they can at a student assistant wage before I either graduate and leave or they hire me on at a sucky state wage.
I'm going to school with a full class load.
They say you are supposed to set aside 2 hours a day for every class you are taking for studying. I'm sure I don't do THAT much (which explains the average grades), but if I spread out the amount of time I DO spend on studying and homework, here is what I get.
30 hours of work.
12 hours class time.
About 30 hours study time.
72 hours....now add 1 teenager, 1 husband, 4 dogs, financial worries and a house to the equation.
I'm tired....
A few years ago I kept thinking about how boring my life was. Going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home.
These days I am working 30 hours a week at the local university in a department that is a total cluster fuck. They want to suck as much of my experience out of me that they can at a student assistant wage before I either graduate and leave or they hire me on at a sucky state wage.
I'm going to school with a full class load.
They say you are supposed to set aside 2 hours a day for every class you are taking for studying. I'm sure I don't do THAT much (which explains the average grades), but if I spread out the amount of time I DO spend on studying and homework, here is what I get.
30 hours of work.
12 hours class time.
About 30 hours study time.
72 hours....now add 1 teenager, 1 husband, 4 dogs, financial worries and a house to the equation.
I'm tired....
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Barack Obama
I never considered myself a political person. Not until things began to affect me personally.The first time I ever voted was when Perot ran. I was about 34 years old.
I felt the government going down the toilet and decided we needed change.
Still, I have never been passionate about politics. That is, until this gentleman came on the scene.
http://www.barackobama.com/
My husband and I were moved by his speech at the Dem Convention. We had never heard of him. After his speech, we stood up and cheered to the t.v. set. Everything he said made SO much sense.
There is just something about him. A positive aura surrounding him.
I fear for him, because he IS black. People can be ignorant. And they will be.
He brings "hope". He preaches what is in the hearts of Americans. Even those that are afraid or won't say it.
He brings a J.F.K. sort of model to the stand.
Personally, I think he is bigger and better than JFK.
I'm hoping....
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Adults Suck
I believe that adults need to fix their communication skills.
Those that care about you should be at the top of the list.
No one prepares anyone for mid-life properly.
Adults tell kids, do this, don't do that. You will regret it, etc...
The majority of adults don't share their feelings correctly. My mother is the number one offender of this.
Instead of saying how she felt or sharing her experiences, good or bad, she would just yell or shame or whatever into making you do the right thing.
No one ever told me that time runs out. To follow your heart. No one told me why I should do these things.
I guess I can be thankful that I feel I have always done right in my communication with the youngsters.
Those that care about you should be at the top of the list.
No one prepares anyone for mid-life properly.
Adults tell kids, do this, don't do that. You will regret it, etc...
The majority of adults don't share their feelings correctly. My mother is the number one offender of this.
Instead of saying how she felt or sharing her experiences, good or bad, she would just yell or shame or whatever into making you do the right thing.
No one ever told me that time runs out. To follow your heart. No one told me why I should do these things.
I guess I can be thankful that I feel I have always done right in my communication with the youngsters.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
2006 ----> 2007
Ok, so the past coupla years have really sucked.
I was laid off from a very good job at a large company due to a corporate buyout. 2nd time in 10 years.
This 2nd time was the worst for a few reasons.
#1 At the age of 43, for the first time in my life, I had a job I loved. A boss I loved. Decent co-workers. Good pay. etc...
#2 The job situation in Ohio just downright blows. So much so that it doesn't matter how many years experience you have or how many certifications you have, if you don't have that college degree, you are totally fucked.
Or, you have to drive into the big city to work. Which means leaving the house at 7 a.m. and returning around 7 p.m. or later.
So, emotionally I went into the toilet. You wonder why my posts are so negative and depressing? lol Trust me, my life is not always negative and depressing.
After a few months of the job search and realizing that without a college degree, my 20 years experience and a few certifications were going to get me about $15 an hour (which I know is not "bad" money, but I was making $25 an hour) and a discussion with the husband, we bit the bullet and I enrolled at the local university.
Going to college was also a good idea because I "really" needed the break from corporate america. After give my "all" to 2 corporations and working my way into decent success, just to be thrown out with the rest of the "numbers", I was ready for a break. I currently have NO desire to go back to being a cube monkey.
So I'm in my 2nd year of college and doing pretty good. I work on campus.
I love it.
Our credit has gone in the toilet and been flushed. We are unbeeeeelievably broke. The house is falling apart. The cars are falling apart.
I'm determined to make 2007 better than the last 2 years.
Things are still going to suck like the money and this middle aged realization crap thing that is going on, but I'm determined to "adjust".
We have our health, a roof over our heads, food in our mouths and love.
We don't have 2 big incomes. Money to burn.
We have the essentials to survive. I just need to "adjust" and that is what I am determined to do this year.
I was laid off from a very good job at a large company due to a corporate buyout. 2nd time in 10 years.
This 2nd time was the worst for a few reasons.
#1 At the age of 43, for the first time in my life, I had a job I loved. A boss I loved. Decent co-workers. Good pay. etc...
#2 The job situation in Ohio just downright blows. So much so that it doesn't matter how many years experience you have or how many certifications you have, if you don't have that college degree, you are totally fucked.
Or, you have to drive into the big city to work. Which means leaving the house at 7 a.m. and returning around 7 p.m. or later.
So, emotionally I went into the toilet. You wonder why my posts are so negative and depressing? lol Trust me, my life is not always negative and depressing.
After a few months of the job search and realizing that without a college degree, my 20 years experience and a few certifications were going to get me about $15 an hour (which I know is not "bad" money, but I was making $25 an hour) and a discussion with the husband, we bit the bullet and I enrolled at the local university.
Going to college was also a good idea because I "really" needed the break from corporate america. After give my "all" to 2 corporations and working my way into decent success, just to be thrown out with the rest of the "numbers", I was ready for a break. I currently have NO desire to go back to being a cube monkey.
So I'm in my 2nd year of college and doing pretty good. I work on campus.
I love it.
Our credit has gone in the toilet and been flushed. We are unbeeeeelievably broke. The house is falling apart. The cars are falling apart.
I'm determined to make 2007 better than the last 2 years.
Things are still going to suck like the money and this middle aged realization crap thing that is going on, but I'm determined to "adjust".
We have our health, a roof over our heads, food in our mouths and love.
We don't have 2 big incomes. Money to burn.
We have the essentials to survive. I just need to "adjust" and that is what I am determined to do this year.
Youth Is Wasted On The Young
I work with guys that are between the age of 20 and 25. College boys. lotta fun. hahahha
Anyhow, the other morning one of the guys was commenting to the others about middle age women at bars. I wasn't paying much attention to them as I was much too engrossed in my new Guildwars game, but DID catch the "middle aged women" thing. I said in a joking manner "hey hey...watch what you say about middle aged women". I honestly was joking around, because I honestly didn't hear what he was saying about middle aged women. Selective hearing I guess.
Anyhow, he said "no nooo, I was commenting on how FUN they are at bars".
Now, this conversation goes right along with everything that is going on with me these days.
So he and I got into the conversation about why middle aged women are so fun at bars.
He was honestly enlightened. I've discovered that most young adults are very respectful of older peoples opinions if you are honest and open with them. A little humor thrown in helps too. lol
My theory on this is that middle aged women are more fun "out on the town", because they are there for just that...."fun".
They really could give 2 shits what everyone thinks. They aren't there to get laid. They aren't there for a fashion show or intelligent conversation.
They are there to get drunk, laugh, be wild, blow off steam and basically forget that they are...."middle aged".
Middle aged women know that a bar is not the place to find a perspective mate.
Middle aged women have hit that "don't give a fuck" stage in life. When you hit that stage, the term "youth is wasted on the young" becomes VERY true.
Anyhow, the other morning one of the guys was commenting to the others about middle age women at bars. I wasn't paying much attention to them as I was much too engrossed in my new Guildwars game, but DID catch the "middle aged women" thing. I said in a joking manner "hey hey...watch what you say about middle aged women". I honestly was joking around, because I honestly didn't hear what he was saying about middle aged women. Selective hearing I guess.
Anyhow, he said "no nooo, I was commenting on how FUN they are at bars".
Now, this conversation goes right along with everything that is going on with me these days.
So he and I got into the conversation about why middle aged women are so fun at bars.
He was honestly enlightened. I've discovered that most young adults are very respectful of older peoples opinions if you are honest and open with them. A little humor thrown in helps too. lol
My theory on this is that middle aged women are more fun "out on the town", because they are there for just that...."fun".
They really could give 2 shits what everyone thinks. They aren't there to get laid. They aren't there for a fashion show or intelligent conversation.
They are there to get drunk, laugh, be wild, blow off steam and basically forget that they are...."middle aged".
Middle aged women know that a bar is not the place to find a perspective mate.
Middle aged women have hit that "don't give a fuck" stage in life. When you hit that stage, the term "youth is wasted on the young" becomes VERY true.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Suicidal?
My last blog may seem like I'm suicidal, but I'm not. Far from it.
I'm just realizing mortality.
Today we attended a memorial service for someone that was in the group of "not recognized", but "should have been worthy".
Shannon was someone I barely knew. All I know is that he loved his dogs (couldn't live without their companionship), woodworking and motorcycles.
I knew him through my husband (used to work with his wife). We live around the corner and take/took care of their pups when they went on vacation.
I was at the memorial service in support of his wife. When we grieve, it is selfish, no? We cry for ourselves. Not the dead.
Anyhow, death at this age makes one realize more mortality. I don't know that anyone grieves mortality more than woman. Either than, or men just don't talk about it. lol
Anyhow, there was barely anyone at the service. Maybe 20 of us. Tops.
Not even the co-workers of his wife (employed by the company for many years) showed up.
I was more than pissed. WTF is wrong with people?
I told my husband that I don't want all that.
Throw a party at whatever house we live in with lotsa booze, lotsa music and lotsa laughing.
Put my ashes on the mantel with a big sign with my name, Maui Bound and a big arrow pointing toward the FedEx box.
I'm just realizing mortality.
Today we attended a memorial service for someone that was in the group of "not recognized", but "should have been worthy".
Shannon was someone I barely knew. All I know is that he loved his dogs (couldn't live without their companionship), woodworking and motorcycles.
I knew him through my husband (used to work with his wife). We live around the corner and take/took care of their pups when they went on vacation.
I was at the memorial service in support of his wife. When we grieve, it is selfish, no? We cry for ourselves. Not the dead.
Anyhow, death at this age makes one realize more mortality. I don't know that anyone grieves mortality more than woman. Either than, or men just don't talk about it. lol
Anyhow, there was barely anyone at the service. Maybe 20 of us. Tops.
Not even the co-workers of his wife (employed by the company for many years) showed up.
I was more than pissed. WTF is wrong with people?
I told my husband that I don't want all that.
Throw a party at whatever house we live in with lotsa booze, lotsa music and lotsa laughing.
Put my ashes on the mantel with a big sign with my name, Maui Bound and a big arrow pointing toward the FedEx box.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
How Do You Learn To Just "Exist"?
At the age of 10 I wanted to be a singing star.
At the age of 20 I wanted to be a singing star.
At the age of 30 I wanted to be a singing star.
At the age of 43....I "still" want to be a singing star.
Somehow I don't see that happening.
Since I was a child, and realized I could sing, I always thought I was something special. That God had given me a gift.
I would hide away in my room and sing to my records. I naturally harmonized with John Denver. My Mother would pound on my door telling me to turn down the stereo. Problem was...it wasn't loud. It was me. In highschool, parents would comment on how I had "it". Passing on college (a long post for another day), I did the northeast Ohio rock circuit. The whole while people I didn't even know coming up to me stating I was wasting my time where I was, because I had "it". All my musician friends told me to move. Nashville, NYC, LA...anywhere but where I was because I had "it". This is when I realized I could sing.
Singing was my passion. It is what I lived for, breathed for.
Now...at the age of 43...I have come to the horrid realization that it's "probably" not going to happen.
How does one learn to not be special? How does one learn to just exist as everyone else does?
How are people happy just living in Craptown, USA, punching a clock, making dinner, living paycheck to paycheck?
How does one learn to basically just sit and wait to die? Isn't that what we are all doing? Some lives more exciting than others?
At the age of 20 I wanted to be a singing star.
At the age of 30 I wanted to be a singing star.
At the age of 43....I "still" want to be a singing star.
Somehow I don't see that happening.
Since I was a child, and realized I could sing, I always thought I was something special. That God had given me a gift.
I would hide away in my room and sing to my records. I naturally harmonized with John Denver. My Mother would pound on my door telling me to turn down the stereo. Problem was...it wasn't loud. It was me. In highschool, parents would comment on how I had "it". Passing on college (a long post for another day), I did the northeast Ohio rock circuit. The whole while people I didn't even know coming up to me stating I was wasting my time where I was, because I had "it". All my musician friends told me to move. Nashville, NYC, LA...anywhere but where I was because I had "it". This is when I realized I could sing.
Singing was my passion. It is what I lived for, breathed for.
Now...at the age of 43...I have come to the horrid realization that it's "probably" not going to happen.
How does one learn to not be special? How does one learn to just exist as everyone else does?
How are people happy just living in Craptown, USA, punching a clock, making dinner, living paycheck to paycheck?
How does one learn to basically just sit and wait to die? Isn't that what we are all doing? Some lives more exciting than others?
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Time To Say Good-Bye
The hardest part of the realization of mortality phase of life is saying good bye.
Good bye to the dreams that you kept in the attic of your brain thinking that "someday" they would come to fruition.
Good bye to the possibility of having a great body after abusing it for so long.
Good bye to ever becoming rich without the aid of winning the lottery.
I keep reading that it's possible to reinvent yourself at this stage in life. I think I'm slowly but surely coming out of it and accepting life as it is, but this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. And I've been through ALOT of chit!
Good bye to the dreams that you kept in the attic of your brain thinking that "someday" they would come to fruition.
Good bye to the possibility of having a great body after abusing it for so long.
Good bye to ever becoming rich without the aid of winning the lottery.
I keep reading that it's possible to reinvent yourself at this stage in life. I think I'm slowly but surely coming out of it and accepting life as it is, but this is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. And I've been through ALOT of chit!
Socially Retarded
I've decided that some people just shouldn't associate with other humans.
I am one of those people.
All my life I have tried to "fit in".
I've never had allot of friends in my life. I usually have 1 or 2. I've not had any friends that have lasted all my life.
In my early 20's I played in rock bands. I was the lead singer. "Friends" came out of the woodwork. I would walk into a bar and people would be all around me buying me drinks. Yet my phone would never ring. My date card empty.
When I left the band, the "friends" left me.
I have a hard time making friends. I have a hard time keeping them.
No one ever or has ever called me to go to movies or shopping. No one has ever thrown me a birthday party, aside from my Mom.
At the age of 43, this still baffles me as I have always been the shoulder to cry on, always available, thrown birthday parties, always given the gifts that "mean" something....etc...etc... Never asking anything in return.
Aside from a Birthday cake made from scratch and sent from another state, I've never received a heartfelt gift. I can count on 1 hand how many times in 43 years I've been asked out on a date.
I have never been accepted into any "clique" at any of my jobs or when I was in high school. Even though I have excelled at all my jobs to the point where everyone knew who I was. In High School, I was known for my singing.
Is it because I refuse to attend any type of party that resembles "Tupperware" or "candle" sales?
I have no clue.
I've attempted at gatherings with new people to have casual conversation (the weather, movies, et. al). I've tried deep conversation. I've tried debate/discussion. I've tried the opposite by being cold, snobbish, etc..
To no avail.
For some reason I always get looked at like I'm from Mars.
I've had people just turn and walk away from me.
So I have just come to the conclusion that I am socially retarded.
Had the Internet been as popular back when I was 25, I'm sure I would have lived my life online.
I am one of those people.
All my life I have tried to "fit in".
I've never had allot of friends in my life. I usually have 1 or 2. I've not had any friends that have lasted all my life.
In my early 20's I played in rock bands. I was the lead singer. "Friends" came out of the woodwork. I would walk into a bar and people would be all around me buying me drinks. Yet my phone would never ring. My date card empty.
When I left the band, the "friends" left me.
I have a hard time making friends. I have a hard time keeping them.
No one ever or has ever called me to go to movies or shopping. No one has ever thrown me a birthday party, aside from my Mom.
At the age of 43, this still baffles me as I have always been the shoulder to cry on, always available, thrown birthday parties, always given the gifts that "mean" something....etc...etc... Never asking anything in return.
Aside from a Birthday cake made from scratch and sent from another state, I've never received a heartfelt gift. I can count on 1 hand how many times in 43 years I've been asked out on a date.
I have never been accepted into any "clique" at any of my jobs or when I was in high school. Even though I have excelled at all my jobs to the point where everyone knew who I was. In High School, I was known for my singing.
Is it because I refuse to attend any type of party that resembles "Tupperware" or "candle" sales?
I have no clue.
I've attempted at gatherings with new people to have casual conversation (the weather, movies, et. al). I've tried deep conversation. I've tried debate/discussion. I've tried the opposite by being cold, snobbish, etc..
To no avail.
For some reason I always get looked at like I'm from Mars.
I've had people just turn and walk away from me.
So I have just come to the conclusion that I am socially retarded.
Had the Internet been as popular back when I was 25, I'm sure I would have lived my life online.
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