Too much death...

I feel like Phoebe on friends when she is shooing the bad karma/vibes away from her body with her hands when I think about how I feel right now.
Too much death this month. Too many bad feelings. I hate when I feel "off". And that is what death does for me. It makes me feel unsettled. Like the world isn't right.
A close friend of the family died last nite. He was my brothers best friend since they were like in kindergarten. He was 47. It was expected, but then again, death always shocks. He was suffering greatly from the ravages of cancer, so I try to look at it as he hopefully won't have to suffer anymore.

No Hope?

and I quote an email.... "She had been spiraling downward for the last two years – depression, etc. XXX committed suicide. No hope left in her. She left notes for her family. Very sad. "

No hope? jesus christ..that's all we have in life is "hope". No hope?...................... "why"?

WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?????? YOU KNOW I WOULD HAVE COME...

Shock and Awe

I live in a different city than I grew up. So about twice a week I will go out to my hometown newspaper website and "catch up". At my age, I also read the obits.
Imagine my shock when the first name that popped up on the obit page was a gal that I was best friends with for about 10 years. We were inseparable.
We parted ways about 6 years ago. It was hard remaining close whilst living in different cities. Also, we both changed. I married, she didn't, but desperately wanted to. I had a child, she didn't, but desperately wanted one. I had gastric bypass and she was totally against it. More and more as we got together a coupla times a year, our conversations were filled with conflict.
Over the past few years I have been "maturing", hitting that age where you think about what matters and what doesn't. I thought about this gal many times and the stoopidity of our conflicts. I thought about all the wonderful times we spent together. There are very few people on this earth that I can sit and talk with and never run out of things to say and not bore the living hell out of me. After 10 or so years of friendship, we could still sit for 24 hours and just b.s. about everything and anything.
She was alot of fun, she had an infectious laugh, she was very smart, etc... and I missed her.
I attempted to contact her twice over the past year. She never responded. I guess we were beyond repair.
I don't know what killed her. All signs point to suicide, but I don't know.
Whatever it was, I am saddened more than I could ever imagine.

Choices

It's 7:35 a.m. and I wanted to write a new post, as I've been wanting lately to put more effort into my blog. Alas, I have school work that should have been done Thursday nite.
So since my bff and I are going shopping for a futon this afternoon and then pickling our brains with a little of this:









and this:




Whilst we do this:



Being 45 years old, I guess I have to take the high road and complete my assignments.

Twitter - I don't get it

So unless you have a blackberry or something that you can be connected to and updating 24/7, I don't understand the advantages of Twitter.
I donget it...

NOT F'n FAIR

My brothers best friend is dying of cancer. From everything that I've been told and all the research I have done...it's pancreatic...although though this has not been teh definitive diagnosis.
Last I knew, he was in remission and had gone back to work and fine.
I'm learning, as of today, that hospice visits once a day and it's just a matter of time.
My brother is the only person I know that has/is best friends will the same people he was best friends will when he was in 1st grade!
This person is like a brother to me.

Ok...so SOMEONE...tell me how the FUCK to get yer head wrapped around this one!!!?

W....T....F?????

http://www.newsnet5.com/news/15848052/detail.html

Personally I think the punishment should fit the crime. I feel a nice 2 x 4 up his ASS would suffice.

It's about friggen time...

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/10/missing.marine/index.html

I want that job...

As I was walking out of work yesterday, through another department, I happened to catch glimpse of a folder on a shelf that was labeled "Rolex Secret Shopper Program".
uhhhh.....

And now for something completely different...

People keep sending me "angel" , "get to know you survey", "friendship"

emails, etc...
I've made one up of my own.
List your the top 5 moments (excluding birth, marriage and sex) of your
life, so far:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Why I don't do dog rescue anymore

This is Sonny and Ashley.

Sonny was one of our first fosters back in 2001 or 2002. One of over 100. He was a puppy of about 5 lbs. Looked to be about 6 weeks old. Laying in a cage by himself, sleeping, sickly, at a humane society. He was the only puppy on the "kill side". The building has 2 sections. The "kill" side and the "adoptable" side. ALL black dogs and dogs that appeared to be pitbullish, rottweilerish, etc.. are immediately put on the kill side. Don't be outraged, this is common practice most everywhere. Very young puppies don't last long in any shelter situation, especially without their mother because of disease.

So we took Sonny home and nursed him to good health and he was adopted by a very wonderful woman. Sonny is now, as you can see by the pic a very big pup....I'm told close to 200 lbs.

This same woman adopted Ashley from us about a year later. I honestly don't remember Ashley's story.

The woman whom adopted these pups was in her 40's. She died of a brain tumor last week.

Now, it is in the adoption contract that the rescue take back the dogs if the owner cannot care for them anymore. The rescue takes ultimate responsibility of the dog throughout it's life.

What breaks my heart is that these 2 dogs, no matter how loving or well behaved they are, because they are very large and rottweilerish, will probably spend the rest of their days in the concrete floored kennel. It's not as bad as the pound. They will be fed, they will get exercise and "some" attention, but kinda reminds me of the old folks in a nursing home, that spend their days sitting in a wheelchair against the wall, just passing time until they die.

So how do you look a pup in the eyes, that has lived it's life in the comforts and love of a house and family and all of a sudden they are sitting in a kennel without constant play and affection, and convince them they did nothing wrong?

This is where I'm not sure that I believe in the "no kill" thing.

The dilemma...Which would be worse? Putting the dog down? Or having them live out the rest of their life in a cage?

Alright! Alright already...

Update: I didn't get an IPod. I opted for a Zune and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

I give up.
I want an IPod...

Hard as a rock!

One of the 'cons' about hitting middle age is that you hit that point in the matrix where the number of physical tests that are recommended for your "age group" goes up.
So now I'm supposed to periodically have:

• the yearly poke and feel
• a year physical
• my boobs smoooshed
• a stress test
• a camera up my ass
• a bone scan

I'm sure there are more, but I don't want my insurance company to drop me.

So, yesterday I had the bone scan. You lay on this x-ray like table and a big metal arm thing x-rays you from right below the breast to the top of the thigh.
This test checks for bone loss in menopausal years.

GOOD NEWS! Doc says I have very minimal bone change in one area (he didn't say where) no biggie. He also said my spine was better than perfect. I don't know how anything can be better than perfect...but I'll take his assessment. He said at this rate, I should never break a bone in this lifetime. Which is a good thing considering my husband is already badly arthritic stricken.
Just means I'll be able to help his old cobbled ass when he falls and breaks a hip and his life alert doesn't kick in.

The most rediculous thing heard on New Years Eve...

This may just win, hands down for the stupidist thing heard in the year 2008....

This gal and her bf were very drunk. I asked "so who's drivin home?" She's says "he is". I'm like "uhhh....he's really trashed". She says.......

"Oh don't worry, he's a really good drunk driver."

Bin Laden ...where are you?

I think the same people hired to look for Bin Laden, are the same people looking for this dude. WTF?

Who did it?

12% of Pakistani's believe that the U.S was behind Bhutto's killing. I wouldn't put it past them.

http://www2.irna.com/en/news/view/menu-234/0801138110194615.htm

I love a survey to see how many American's believe the same thing.
Bush is afterall the anti-christ....

Arthur Itis?

Right after the New Year my left hand started hurting really bad. Just my thumb and first 2 fingers. I kept running my brain through the events of New Years Eve...did I hit my hand on something? Did I punch someone? I kid...I've never punched anyone in my life that wasn't a sibling and I honestly was not THAT drunk New Years Eve.
The pain didn't go away. I developed a little lump of sorts between my first 2 knuckles what appeared to be a swollen muscle or tendon. I couldn't figure it out. I was thinking that maybe I was developing arthritis. But why just there and why all of a sudden? Like over night.
Then my brilliance appeared.....
My diagnosis? Nintendo DS bad for old people.
I bought myself a Nintendo DS months ago. I bought it for the Brain Age and Flash Focus games (right).
My son and hubby got me the new Zelda game for Christmas after my brother and sister in law told them of my addiction to the original Zelda game on the first Nintendo (late 1990's?).
I had realized that if I wasn't eating, sleeping, working or doing school work, I was playing Zelda. Good god. It has become my crack.

Avon Calling!

I've decided that I can't pluck the gray/white hairs out of my eyebrows anymore.
I have so many now, that if I continue this ritual, I will look like the Avon lady that used to come to our house that used to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on.
She smelled too....I still hate the smell of Avon's colognes.
Gawd it's fun getting old.

When Worlds Collide

I swear this man is hell bent on turning the world on it's ear before he leaves office.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/01/13/bush.mideast.ap/index.html

How Stoopid Can You Be?

I am an Information Security Professional. What does that mean?
Well, part of it means that while others read the daily newspaper, I digest articles, white papers, blogs, underground websites, et al. just to attempt to keep on top of a game that changes by the minute....literally.
Anyhow, it's always fun to come across blatant stupidity such as this:
Top Gear Host Loses Money after His Bank Account Got Published in The Sunday Times